Do you feel as though your life is not going in the direction you want it to? Do you look at others and think: ‘s/he’s got it all’? Does it all seem to be drawing a negative for you, well if it does then this could be why…
Negative talk and negative thought are more powerful than you think. (Keep reading) -We’ll be walking through this idea in this article to better help you determine if you’ve fallen victim to such circumstance without even realising it. Yes, it requires a little work but not much! To grasp the concept, ask yourself: are you already thinking, having read only these few lines: rubbish! Or: This article is not for me or: that’s not why I can’t get what I want > ? … Well if you are, then those are negative thoughts themselves! Here’s a helping hand on spotting the neg’ and how to banish it for a better life…
You Compare Yourself to Others
If you’re comparing yourself to those around you: stop right there. Live Your life. Comparing yourself will not better your existence and will likely just make you feel inferior. That person is probably great at being them, (naturally); while you will only be your best by being yourself. Comparison leads to disappointment and is the avoidance of self acceptance. By doing so you are inadvertently telling yourself with your inner voice: ‘I’m not good enough.’ If you find yourself having feelings of jealousy or self doubt remind yourself that what another is doing probably works for them, and so be it, let them be happy. Let it go.
We’ve touched on it in the above paragraph, we all talk to ourselves in our mind and tell ourselves things on a minute by minute basis. Those are just thoughts. The notion of this is discussed more in the book: Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life.
Negative talk out loud however is equally as important. Do you spend your time discussing negative events or people’s actions that you didn’t like with your friends? Here’s an experiment: pick a day (it could be today) and just observe when you talk to others, how many times you talk negatively of another person, place or event. After observing yourself for a day doing this, the following day, try to stop yourself when it happens. By speaking negatively you are furthering the negativity. Yes, there may be times to talk through something with a friend or therapist but is the talk constructive, in a bid to find a solution? Or is it just chatter being re-lived, over and over and over again, all the while consuming you. If it’s the latter then you could be trapped in a cycle of negative thought. The way out: repeat the experiment until you’re free from the habit.
Ever the Cynic
When suggestions or thoughts pop up, do you immediately count the ways you can’t do something? If a friend for example suggests that, much like the person you’ve spotted and admire on Instagram who travels, you too could go around the world; do you then feel that the thought of you doing the same is absurd? That only others can succeed in making their dreams come true?
Perhaps a friend has never said that and maybe world travel disinterests you but for arguments sake, let’s play a game: insert whatever your dream is here (space) and imagine a friend says it. You can be the positive friend in your head. Let’s go to ___ next month. Now, observe the thought behind it. Are you already counting the reasons why you can’t: not enough money, who will watch the kids, I’ve got work to do… these are negative thoughts. Now you might be thinking, ok so I want to do this and I’ll tell myself –I will– but I really have no money! So how do you overcome this one? …We’ll tell you in the next paragraph…
The Law of Attraction
No this is not a paid ad’ for books and DVDs however we’ve talked about The Law of Attraction (The Secret) before and that’s because: it works. We recommend the DVD, it’s easy to watch and is 100% a life changer.
This is not about being selfish. One must still ask themselves: am I upsetting others or being selfish in my actions when considering what they want. It’s about being yourself and doing what you want and as long as that doesn’t mean upsetting others then that’s ok. You have but one life, you may as well live it!
The Neg’s Around Me
This is a trickier one. You might have read the previous paragraph and thought to yourself that it’s easier said than done to do what you want without this being contrary to those around you. If your decisions do not directly hinder another yet your choices of freedom are met with disdain from others then that’s not acceptable behaviour from those around you. It could be that they’re being selfish and not wanting you to live your best life. It’s always reasonable, in order to better understand others and ask Why they feel as they do.
Ultimately you will have to confront in your mind the sort of people you have around you. It’s said that you’re a combination of the 5 people you spend the most time with. A phrase coined by Jim Rohn. Don’t believe it? It’s been proven that if you’re friend smokes, you’re 61% more likely to smoke as well. Makes for interesting reading doesn’t it? Another study found that happy friends make you happier! Of course, as we discussed, you are you; this is about how you’re inspired, how you’re growing as a person and whether those in your circle facilitate that. It could be family, it could be work colleagues. Ask yourself: Is their behaviour positive? Do they make you feel good by being positive or is it all largely rather negative. Is their only delight when they put others down? Do they revel with delight as others fail? Be on the lookout for negative and positive behaviour and reactions.
If you are surrounded by negative people or those who’s humor is to belittle others in the name of fun then it might be time to reduce the time spent with them, or simply not engage until they realise that being mean to others or about others, just wont ultimately bring joy. If you want to escape someone because they’re negative but can’t because they’re family, then seeing them less or limiting the time you spend will be key. You may be able to talk to someone if you’re close enough and ask them not to say negative things or respond with: I’d rather not talk abut other people. A good friend will understand if you pull them aside to discuss an issue. It’s fine to communicate a request. Gauging this is in your hands.
The Blame Game
It may be you, it may not be you. it could be those around you. Whichever the form, the blame game is alive and rife. We’re talking about those who take zero responsibility for their circumstance. And this, you guessed it, is negative. E.g. The person that says: I could have gone to university (but didn’t). The known individual to bark: I could be a millionaire (but is not) and the list goes on… Until you mount this obstacle, you will never win. You have to look at your life and if not take responsibility for the decisions you’ve made then accept that which has happened to you and another’s actions, then let it go and move past it. Only then will you be truly happy. Once you’re at one with yourself, the you can start to attract the things that you really want.
One very effective way to be happier and achieve all that you want in life is to first be grateful. This might be difficult if things are not going your way right now. If you can find the positives in the negative you will already be learning to turn the negatives into positives. Everyone has good and bad in life, it’s about how you tackle this that will be most revealing. Much like training a muscle and getting fit, training the brain to think of the positives and know that even through hard times, better times are coming.
Start with small things to be grateful for. It could be that you’re alive today, or that a warm cup of tea can be enjoyed in silence. You might be thankful that you’re well or that you have family around you. Perhaps it’s that you have the freedom to read this and the choice to make changes from this day forward in life, for you and for the better life you deserve. Self love is paramount.
One nifty question to ask yourself is: what if I already have all of the things, tools and skills and already know all of the people I need to, in order to make my dream come true? You’ll be surprised by this. By thinking that you already have everything you need, your journey (for that vacation or that dream job, or business idea) will be half as difficult and instantly twice as easy to accomplish.
When you smile, it actually triggers a part of the brain that makes you happy. So to feel better, it might be a good idea to smile to yourself. Getting outside is also proven to make you feel happier, a walk in the fresh air to contemplate all of the above could just be the remedy to identifying what it is that’s holding you back in life. Take time to plan How you’ll find your five people who share the zest for life that you do.
Whatever you do, treat yourself today, if just for reading this article. Enjoy life, every second of it.